I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
