And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
