then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
