Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I lost the right to judge tonight
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