um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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