Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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