just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
