I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i came on her dog
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
