Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
