ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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