Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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