Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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