i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize