Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Houston, we have a blender
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
