yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
