Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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