I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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