CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
