kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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