WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
