Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm going to jail i love you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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