Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
