nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
