I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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