hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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