brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They have beer where we have blood.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
