You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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