sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
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We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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