I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
