Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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