you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
