Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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