just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
