do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
