i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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