If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
