This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
