I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
