I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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