i think my tv is drunk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
