Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
