you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We smell like vodka and hangover
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