so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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