Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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