It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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