i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
