First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
