There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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