But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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