Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
