Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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