her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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