i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
