Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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