Soap is not a condiment
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We named our party play list daddy issues
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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