I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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