is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Still dying that you shit outside
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
