i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
