We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
