Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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