well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
