When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
