so that wasnt chicken after all
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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