Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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