hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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