his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
