She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize