I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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