My nipple is on Facebook.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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